Tattered Memoir
by inushikacho
Summary: It's painful if the only person who can understand, loves and accepts you will suddenly disappear in your life. Can Ritsuka fight for his love for Soubi when Destiny itself tells them that they don't belong to each other? Ritsuka X Soubi OOC
1. Thoughts of you

**Tattered Memoirs**

A Loveless Fan Fiction

By:** InuShikaCho**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own this shounen-ai anime… but I do own the plot of this fan fiction…

**(A/N):** There are some part of this fan fiction which is not really based from the anime… the part of the flashback was just my imagination and my understandings about Soubi's past… And also, this may contain a lot of OOC…

**Chapter 1: "Thoughts of you"**

It's been a while since the last time he was been ordered by his true sacrifice. A feeling of everything has been back was felt around his body. After Seimei died, after he has been freed again from becoming an instrument. He's thankful that Ritsuka came to his life and turn him back to human. Though at first, he still loves Seimei and still act as his tool. But as he started to make memories with Ritsuka, his feelings changed and turned over to Ritsuka's place. It would look like unnatural to see them together, but that's how they felt for one another. To protect, to care and to love; that was all they've been saying to everyone.

He took out his brush and his canvas and started to paint. Like the usual, a blue butterfly was the only thing that came to his head. A Butterfly signifies his life: his past and his present. As he started 5 strokes of the portrait, and soaked his paintbrush to the paint, he stared the canvas and started to recall everything from his past…

**-Flashback-**

"Seven Moons?" a short-lengthen hair boy puzzled himself as he heard this name.

"It's a school for fighters…" a man without ears and who was wearing glasses answered his question.

"Fighters?" the boy asked again with confusion, "I really don't get it…"

"Fighters are those who are ordered to protect their Sacrifice…" the man tapped the boy's head and said, "You don't need to understand everything, Soubi-kun. I'll bring you there"

"Okay Sensei!" Soubi smiled and accepted the invitation.

Soubi was just 10 years old when he was brought by his sensei, Ritsu, in a school for Fighters—named Seven Moons. Because of his sensei's trust to him, Soubi did his best and got high grades in that school. One day, Ritsu called him in the middle of their class and that was the time where the game started…

"Soubi-kun, please come in" Ritsu ordered him as Soubi knocked at the door.

"Sensei, the teacher told me that you were calling me…" Soubi said.

"Yes, I did. Please, Soubi-kun, have a sit" Ritsu ordered him again. It was Soubi's first time to be in his sensei's office.

The room was full of frames with different kinds of butterflies. He also noticed that it was too dark and it was too quiet. Because of it, Soubi was forced to behave for a while and listened carefully to his sensei, "Is there something wrong, sensei?"

"Soubi-kun, the reason why I called you is for you to meet your sacrifice." Ritsu answered while somebody came inside the room, "Soubi-kun, he's Seimei. Aoyagi Seimei"

Soubi stared Seimei and looked at him from head to toe, "Seimei…" he murmured. Seimei's face was unable to identify, his emotions and his feelings that time. He was just looking back at Soubi with a straight face, "Seimei, this is your fighter, Agatsuma Soubi. Starting today, you'll stay together and stay as fighters and sacrifice of one another…"

_Soubi's PoV_

_After that, Seimei and I were always together, as if we were unable to be separated. And as days passed by, our bond became stronger and that was the time when we were already connected. We fought with trust to one another and hope. The only key for a stronger capacity was for us to fall in love to one another and feel the real affection towards us._

_Uneasiness and anxiety, these were the first emotions we felt. It would be really odd to see homos in the game. But to be able to win, we removed all these negative feelings and believed that our love will be the answer to all their spells. _

_But then, after that strong bond, I didn't expect that Seimei would change a lot. Since I was his fighter, I was forced to follow his orders just to have the title of the strongest pair in the world of Fighters. We were known to be the greatest. I love Seimei. I hate it when others hurt him. I hate the feeling that everybody insults him. These were the reasons why I didn't allow them to wound Seimei in a battle. _

"_Soubi, kill them!" Seimei ordered me while we were fighting against a stronger pair._

"_If that's what Seimei wants…" I followed without any hesitations._

_He's nice to everyone, but others didn't see it. Or maybe, I'm just blind from what he has been showing me with the unknown fact that Seimei loves me more than I am. I did all of his orders and followed them, because I want him to trust me and to be loved by him. I wanted more than that feeling, but something was missing, I knew it from the start. He was using me as a tool. But if that would make him love me, I would ignore that truth and be his tool forever, even others would think I'm stupid._

_End of PoV_

After a battle of fighters, Soubi felt already the truth around him. The truth about fighters, the truth about Seimei and the truth about him; and to be able to ignore and remove all of this pain he received, he decided to take a special treatment that his sensei offered him the last time. He wondered why he was been called after class, where everyone was heading home. He was 15 and he was already matured when it comes to fighting. He was doing this for the sake of his love for Seimei. For him not to feel the pain anymore, even though his body would be the big replacement for this treatment.

"S-Sensei…" Soubi blushed. The next day, everyone was surprised to see Soubi without ears. They weren't sure if what they've been thinking was true. But the big confusion was to see Seimei with ears. Either Seimei was the fault or Soubi's. Whenever they see Soubi's face, they couldn't tell what he was thinking. They thought that Soubi wasn't the person they met before. He changed a lot after **that** special treatment he had with his sensei. Nobody found out about it. But in a sudden…

"Seimei!" Soubi appeared from Seimei's back after class. His face was unnatural and very disappointed while Seimei didn't show any reaction

"Ah, Soubi-kun… what's wrong?" Seimei looked back at Soubi.

"Is there something wrong between us?" Soubi asked with hesitation and feared himself from an answer "Yes."

"Soubi-kun, if there's something wrong; I would tell you directly…" Seimei walked towards Soubi and tapped his shoulders and smiled

"Seimei…" Soubi murmured, when suddenly, Seimei caressed Soubi's head where his ears supposed to be, "Seimei!"

"Sensei did it, didn't he?" Seimei continued.

"Seimei I—"

"I thought I would be the first one…" Seimei looked away

"For me to endure the pain, I need to take the special treatment…"

Seimei chuckled, "Sensei… He's really funny… doing things that weren't supposed to be done"

"Anou, Seimei… aren't you affected?" Soubi asked

"Do I need to?" Seimei answered

"What do you mean?!"

"Just like what you said, you did it because for the sake of us… for the sake of your love…"

"That's true! I would do anything for Seimei…" Soubi, then, ran towards Seimei and kissed him, "…because Seimei is my life"

"Soubi"

**-End of Flashback-**

He stopped himself from reminiscing because the pain started to fill his mind again. It was already enough to be used and to be fooled. He already has somebody who'll treat him more as he wanted and who'll love him more than he expected, and that's Ritsuka. It would be a big sin for him if he wouldn't protect his Ritsuka. His scared to lose him, his scared to see Ritsuka in harm, that's why he would do everything for Ritsuka even if he'll lose his life.

Soubi stopped staring his canvas and returned his materials to its place. He cleaned his working place and decided to sleep already. He closed all the lights and lied down to his bed.

-----

The next day, a man with greenish hair and wide glasses came, holding a lot of plastic bags of soda drinks. He has a lot of piercing in his ears and he knocked after reaching the front door. "Aaah!" somebody screamed. The man, Kio, was surprised and panicked. "Sou-chan?" The screaming was heard again but this time it was louder. Kio dropped the bags and the soda cans rolled down the stairs.

"Sou-chan?!" Kio thought that Soubi might have been playing, and he felt jealous again "Hey Sou-chan! Open up the door!"

"Kio!" Soubi shouted his name.

"Soubi, you perverted man! What the heck are you doing right now?!" Kio demanded with imaginations in his mind as he slammed the door. Kio was in shocked when he saw Soubi lying on the floor with his body bent down in pain. He was holding his hair in tight while he was screaming for help

"Sou-chan, are you okay?! What's happening to you?! Hey Sou-chan" Kio ran towards him and helped him to stand up but Soubi fell down.

"Ri-Ritsuka…" Soubi murmured.

Kio was stopped, "Soubi…" he looked away and Soubi screamed again, "No! Wait, Soubi! I'll call an ambulance! Please hold on!"

"Ri-Ritsuka…" Soubi murmured again as he fainted.

"Huh… Sou-chan? Hey Sou-chan! Soubi!"

**--End of chapter--**


	2. Broken Promises

**Tattered Memoirs**

A Loveless Fan Fiction

By:** InuShikaCho**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own this shounen-ai anime… but I do own the plot of this fan fiction…

**(A/N):** There are some parts of this fan fiction which is not really based from the anime… the first italicized paragraphs are based from the last episode of the series… I didn't actually base it from the episode… I added some words and revised. And also, this may contain a lot of OOC…

**Chapter 2: Broken Promises**

Ritsuka was already in high school. It's been 2 years since his brother died from a murder. He could still remember every detail of his beloved brother's death. _His burned dead body was sitting in my chair inside our classroom… Seimei was calling my name, Ritsuka_. Loveless, one without love; it was really odd to hear that your true name is loveless. It's like you've never been loved by anyone in your life. But as his story continued, the title Loveless was no longer needed, for he was already loved by someone, Soubi. "Let's make memories together!" a line that, this known to be loveless, would always say. He thought that the present Ritsuka was not the real one. But when Soubi came to his life, every broken piece in his life was replaced by new ones.

"_Soubi…" he whispered._

"_Yes, Ritsuka?" Soubi answered as he looked back at him._

"_What if Seimei is alive and ordered you to kill me?" Ritsuka questioned._

"_That's impossible, Seimei is dead" Soubi quickly replied._

"_That's why I said if!" he demanded, "Will you kill me?! Answer me Soubi! You'll kill me right?!"_

_Instead of answering, Soubi looked away, "I knew it…" Ritsuka ran but Soubi grabbed his hand and pulled him to his body._

"_Ritsuka, if Seimei is alive and orders me to kill you… I'll die first" Soubi said, "For me… you're the most important person in my life, Ritsuka…"_

"_Soubi…"_

Ritsuka tried to be better, than his brother, for Soubi. Because he knew that Soubi really love Seimei much. He also knew that the reason why Soubi came to his life was because his brother ordered him to. But when these words "Because of you Soubi was freed again and now he's back from becoming a zombie… thanks to you Ritsuka" were told, Ritsuka was even more persevered and loved Soubi more and so as Soubi to him.

It was also 2 years already since both of them became fighters and sacrifices, even though they don't own one another. Ritsuka was thanked for the true fighter didn't come to his life. The bond for one another became stronger and their love was even more.

----

Ritsuka woke up with a dream about Soubi and him. He opened his eyes with red blushes in his cheeks and prepared for school. Like the usual, he went to school with a scar from his mother. He endured every blood that dropped and every pain that he received. Even though everything had changed, his mother didn't. Soubi was in his mind all the time, but the odd thing was Soubi haven't sent him any messages that morning not like before.

"Okay class! Let's now start our quiz!" Shinonomi-sensei declared as the student's complained. Ritsuka's grade school teacher, Shinonomi, lose her ears a few months from now. She found a suitor and got married and was now 3 months pregnant. Yayoi confessed again to Yuiko and after a month, Yuiko answered him a yes. They were already dating and always visit each others' house during their vacant time. It was a huge difference from the past. Everyone had moved on from everything that happened in their lives.

"Aoyagi-kun, you haven't written your name or even your answers!" Shinonomi said with surprise, "Are you okay, Aoyagi-kun?"

Ritsuka was disturbed since he left the house. Not because of his mother, because of Soubi. He had a bad feeling that something was wrong, something was happening and he's not been told by anyone. "Anou, sensei, can I go to the bathroom for a while?"

He opened the faucet and washed his hands with the cold water. _Soubi…_ He took out his phone and looked if Soubi had sent him a message, _Soubi…_, but he didn't receive any. He opened his contacts and called Soubi, _Stupid Soubi… answer the phone_ but nobody responded or answered. He called once again and hoped that somebody would answer the phone. _Damn! Soubi!_ He closed his phone and put it into his pocket again. _Soubi, where are you?! You said you'll always answer…_ he looked at his reflection in the mirror and was surprised to see the same butterfly flying with broken wings behind him.

"Soubi!" He shouted but when he looked back, the butterfly disappeared, "Don't tell me…"

Ritsuka ran out of the school and took out his phone again, "Soubi! Answer the phone!" he demanded in anger, but still no response. Soubi might have been fighting again with another fighter and didn't tell Ritsuka about it, but then, they were already connected. Ritsuka would feel if Soubi accepted a battle, without him knowing. "Stupid Soubi, you broke your promise again! You said you'll always answer! But why aren't you answering it right now?!" Ritsuka cried in anger. Soubi may have done this many times before, but Ritsuka wouldn't allow him to do this again. His scared with the fact that a history would repeat itself, the time when Soubi was almost killed by Zero, the time when Soubi pushed Ritsuka away from him. No, he doesn't want it to happen again. Because he's sure that he'll be hurt again and might lose Soubi this time. _Soubi… I'm very worried… where are you?! _

He searched for him everywhere. He even went to the same place where he found Soubi before, but Soubi wasn't even there. He rode the bus and walked a lot of miles but he couldn't find Soubi anywhere. In a little more seconds, Ritsuka was about to lose his patience. "Soubi, where the heck are you? You're pissing me off!" he stopped from a light post and took out his phone again. For the last time, he called Soubi, _if nobody will answer the call it means Soubi has been fighting again or in trouble but if somebody answered means he's safe. _The phone rang continuously, but the line was disconnected when Ritsuka saw a butterfly appeared again as it fell to the ground. Ritsuka stared it with surprise in his eyes. Suddenly, his phone rang. He immediately answered it, "Soubi! Where are you?! Don't you know I'm very worried for you?!"

"Aoyagi-kun, it's me Kio… Soubi's friend, remember?" the caller answered back with a voice of disappointment and jealousy.

"Kio… yes, I remember you… Tell me! Where's Soubi?!" Ritsuka shouted as he was very eager to hear the answer.

"I'm right over your house, I wanted to tell you something, since Soubi told me to" Kio added

"I'm not at home nor at school! Tell me, where's Soubi" Ritsuka shouted again.

"Don't shout at me! I'm not deaf!" Kio demanded, "Soubi wanted to tell you that he's fine…"

"You're lying!" Ritsuka said, "I know he's not fine! Tell me the truth Kio, is he in danger?!"

"I knew you'll figure it out faster… he forced me not to tell you this but…" Kio paused, "Soubi is at the hospital right now…"

"H-Hospital…" Ritsuka murmured in surprise, "What hospital?!"

"Wait! Please don't panic Aoyagi-kun! He's at the nearest hospital near your house, but don't worry his fine right now… his resting…"

"Thank you Kio!"

"Wait, Aoyagi-kun"

"Why?"  
"Please take care of Soubi…" Kio said and hanged up the phone. Ritsuka was puzzled after hearing it, but later on he ignored it and went to the hospital.

_Ritsuka's PoV_

_You're stupid Soubi! You promised me that you'll never hide me anything again! But what have you done, you always break your promises. I thought that everything would change and you'll be more loyal to me more… but you disappointed me. I know I'm not Seimei… but I hope you know how much I'm worried… I don't know what I will do if ever I'll lose you, Soubi…_

_End of PoV_

The flash of light from the entrance of the hospital had welcomed Ritsuka as he entered. It was already dusk and he knew that he'll broke his curfew again, but just for the sake of Soubi he will. His mother would hate him again from breaking the curfew. He will receive injury again, but he could endure all of them if it's for Soubi. Ritsuka doesn't care about what may happen as long as Soubi is safe. He's not obsessed but he's in love. You would do anything for the one you love even your life is at risk, right?

"Soubi!" Ritsuka forcibly opened the white door. "Youji, it's you…"

"Ritsuka?" Youji welcomed as Ritsuka entered the room

"What happened to Soubi?" Ritsuka ran towards Soubi who was sleeping on the bed, "Soubi"

An oxygen mask was covered in his mouth and dextrose was placed in his arm, "Soubi…" Ritsuka walked closely to Soubi and stared him worriedly.

"I'm going already! My fighter is worried for me too… We'll visit tomorrow! Please take care of Soubi for us, okay Ritsuka?" Youji said while he was about to leave to the door

"Wait! Can you tell me what happened to Soubi?" Ritsuka asked with a calming voice. This time he wanted to be sure.

"Anou… I also don't know anything; Kio just called me up and said that Soubi was in the hospital…" Youji answered back

"I see… Thanks anyway…"

"Ritsuka… Soubi loves you so much!" Youji left Ritsuka with confusion.

Of course, Soubi loves him, he can feel it. But, if Soubi really loves him, why does he need to lie, to keep secrets? If they really both love one another, they wouldn't create any barrier between them to make them separate, because both of them know that it'll be a great pain for them. Both of them changed and made themselves move on from a horror past. It would be a great chance if they would be together until the end, right?

_Soubi… _Ritsuka said to his mind, he grabbed Soubi's hand and stared at him even more _…Please… be okay…_

**--End of chapter--**


	3. Forgotten Love

**Tattered Memoirs**

A Loveless Fan Fiction

By:** InuShikaCho**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own this shounen-ai anime… but I do own the plot of this fan fiction…

**(A/N):** There are some parts of this fan fiction which is not really based from the anime… and also, this may contain a lot of OOC…

**Chapter 3: Forgotten Love**

A love of two men was really different from others. Having a bisexual relationship isn't a weird thing. The most important is you love each other, that's all. Everybody would be disgust if they'll see two couples with the same sex. But hey, what's the big problem? They just love one another, is that already a reason to be disgust? _People who use others are stupid, but people who are used are even more stupid_. Everyone suffers from hatred and repulsion. These are one of the reasons why people receive problems. And the only cure is Love and Acceptance. Just like from what I have said, Soubi and Ritsuka are in the same path as what I'm telling now. A love of two men. It would be a great honor to be loved and to be accepted, right? But why is it that others don't accept and love you when they find out that you're having a relationship with the same gender. It's hard to be left by the one you love and it's hard to be hated by your one true love. But what if the destiny would be the reason for you to leave one another, will you accept the battle or will you retreat and lose your life as a fighter?

----

7:26 A.M.

Ritsuka woke up from a horrifying nightmare. He dreamed of losing someone special. Ritsuka found himself together with Soubi inside the hospital. He opened his eyes and saw Soubi still sleeping in his bed. The deep silence was inside the room the whole time. Ritsuka couldn't say anything from what's happening, but the only thing he could do is to be there for Soubi no matter what happens at that current time. His eyes were full of tears and his face showed how much he's worried for Soubi. _Soubi… I don't want to lose you this time… Please be okay… I'm worried for you… please…_

In a few minutes, the class will be starting already. Ritsuka didn't leave unless he finds out that Soubi is totally okay already. _Just like what I said, I won't leave you no matter what happens, and that's a promise_

8:15 A.M.

Somebody came. It was Natsuo and Youji with a bag of fruits and a bouquet of flowers. Natsuo was smiling as he entered the room and so as Youji.

"Ohayo, Loveless!" Natsuo greeted as he placed the fruits in the table, "How is Soubi-kun? Is he fine already?"

"Ohayo…" Ritsuka responded, "He's not yet waking up since Youji left yesterday…"

"Poor Soubi… he might be suffering from an illness right now, any news from the doctor, Ritsuka-kun?" Natsuo asked again

"The doctor hasn't visited him today, but the doctor might come later…" Ritsuka answered again.

"Oh yeah, we also brought some of Soubi's clothes since he'll be staying here for almost a week" Youji added

"Thanks…" Ritsuka whispered.

"Soubi doesn't want to see you like that, Loveless! _Your cute face is starting to disappear"_ Natsuo joked.

"Natsuo's right, don't worry Soubi's not a weak person He's been trained to be strong" Youji said as he tapped Ritsuka's shoulder.

The two left Ritsuka afterwards and Ritsuka were left again in the room. 3 hours passed yet Soubi wasn't yet waking up. Ritsuka was already hungry but he endured the ache. He wanted Soubi to see him first not others. So that, Soubi would know how much he is worried for him.

_I'm not like my brother. I'm not that strong like Seimei. But I can love you more than Seimei did. I'll treat your better than him. I'll protect you even though I'm the sacrifice. I'll do my best for you to love me too. I want you to love me not because Seimei ordered you. I want you to see that Seimei and I are different. I know I can't do all of these, but for you Soubi, I know I can do it. I would still be here by your side. 'Coz now that you've changed everything in my life, you taught me how to understand other people and showed me the light from the darkness, I want you to be here with me till I die. Because for me, a life without Soubi is…_ "Soubi?" Ritsuka panicked right after Soubi opened his eyes and screamed loudly inside the room.

"Stop it!" Soubi shouted as he panted deeply from his bed. His face showed fear and pain. "N-No! Please… Stop!"

"S-Soubi, are you okay?" Ritsuka ran towards Soubi and grabbed his hand, "Soubi, don't worry I'm here!"

"Aaah!" Soubi demanded as he pushed Ritsuka away from him.

"Soubi, it's me, Ritsuka!" he said but it was no use, Soubi continued himself and got wilder, "Aah!"

"Nurse! Help! Nurse!" Ritsuka shouted outside the room, "NURSE!"

"It hurts… help me… It hurts! Stop it!" Soubi started to cry in pain. Ritsuka started to panic even more, "NURSE!!"

"R-Ritsuka" Soubi murmured.

"Soubi, don't worry I'm here…" Ritsuka said as he approached him quickly, "I won't leave you…"

"What happened?" the doctor came with a nurse along with him.

"S-Soubi! He suddenly got wild! Doctor, is he okay?" Ritsuka asked in anxiety

"He's okay but I think his sickness is starting to get worse"

"What do you mean?! What will happen to Soubi?!" Ritsuka demanded.

The nurse took out an injection and pricked Soubi in the arm that caused him to calm down and faint.

"The patient is having an Alzheimer's disease… if he won't be cured soon he would probably lose his life…" the doctor answered

"Alzheimer's disease?" Ritsuka murmured in surprise, _Soubi…_

"Please call us if he's awake…"

The doctor and the nurse left the both of them. Ritsuka didn't know what to do. He sat from the chair near Soubi's bed and stared the wide floor in despair. _Why… Why! Why all of these should happen?! Why?! Soubi… I don't want to lose you… but why do we need to be this way… Soubi…_ Ritsuka looked at Soubi and stared him seriously as he was taking a deep sleep again. _Is this all my fault?_ "Soubi…"

"S-Seimei…" Soubi suddenly murmured from his sleep. Ritsuka was surprised but instead of feeling enlightened, he was disappointed to hear his brother's name from Soubi's lips. What does it mean? Does Soubi really want Seimei beside him not Ritsuka who has been there for him worriedly the whole time?

----

4 days passed after Soubi was taken to the hospital. Kio told Ritsuka that he will take charge of everything while Ritsuka needed to go home and attend class at school. Of course, Ritsuka was forced to go to school even though it was against his will. Now that Soubi was having a bad illness, he doesn't want to leave him; he wants to be there for him always.

Right after classes, Ritsuka would always visit Soubi in the hospital. Either he'll be staying over night or going home before his curfew. Ritsuka already told Yuiko, Yayoi and Shinonomi-sensei everything about Soubi's condition. Yuiko was crying in anxiety and in fear. Yayoi was speechless from hearing it. And Shinonomi-sensei was sorry for the both of them. Whenever Ritsuka visits Soubi, Yuiko and Yayoi was with him. Yuiko would always tell stories at Soubi even though he's sleeping

_It's almost a week but still Soubi hasn't completely recovered. His been having a lot of therapies based from Kio. But I can't see his improvements. I never see him awake nor hear his voice. The more day goes by, the more I miss Soubi and I feel like Soubi is already far from me…_

Ritsuka came to the hospital with his bag hanging in his body. It was 3:20 and Ritsuka was from school. It was the 7th day of his visit. He ran towards the door with a smile and excitement on his face. Kio called him that morning and said that Soubi was already okay and he was feeling fine. _At last, I'll see Soubi again! I can't wait to here his voice!_ As he opened the door quickly, he saw Soubi with his coat standing beside the wide windows.

"Soubi!" Ritsuka said as he entered the room. Soubi looked at him and stared at him really deeply. Ritsuka's eyes were full of tears after seeing Soubi in good condition already. "It's nice to see you, Soubi!" Ritsuka embraced Soubi tightly while Kio watched them and looked away afterwards, "Soubi"

But Ritsuka was even more surprised when Soubi never responded. An embrace was not returned, a happy greeting was not answered, but instead a cold question came out of Soubi's mouth, "Who are you?"

He was stopped and frightened. He moved back and looked at Soubi, "Ritsuka! I'm Ritsuka, can't you remember?"

"R-Ritsuka…" Soubi added, "No… I don't…"

"Nee Soubi, stop making fun of me! Don't you know that I've been worried for you! Soubi!" Ritsuka demanded in anger.

"I don't know anyone named Ritsuka…" Soubi said again with a serious face in his eyes, "Sorry…"

"I won't let you fool me again! Stop making jokes and games! Soubi, I order you to tell me the truth!"

"Order? You're not my sacrifice… I'm not your fighter… I don't belong to you… Seimei is the only one who can give me orders… and you're not him"

"S-Seimei…" Ritsuka cried, "Soubi, you're joking! I order you to stop!"

"Seimei is my sacrifice… and the orders that I shall follow is his…"

"Kio!" Ritsuka looked at Kio in anguish

Kio responded, "The doctor said that the disease had contaminated his brain… He's losing memories one by one… and I think you're the first one who was been removed from his memory… I'm sorry"

"B-But… why me…" Ritsuka looked at Soubi again, "Soubi, don't fool me… Can't you see? I'm already crying! I've wanted to see you again… Don't you know?! Soubi! I'm tired of all your lies! I beg you, stop all these act…"

"Sorry… But I really can't remember…" Soubi said.

_Why did it have to be this way?! Soubi I know your lying! I know this is a joke! I don't want it anymore… I'm tired of it… Please… I don't want to believe that you've forgotten me… Soubi_

**--End of chapter--**


	4. Loveless

**Tattered Memoirs**

A Loveless Fan Fiction

By:** InuShikaCho**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own this shounen-ai anime… but I do own the plot of this fan fiction…

**(A/N):** There are some parts of this fan fiction which is not really based from the anime… and also, this may contain a lot of OOC…

**Chapter 4: Loveless**

_Ritsuka's PoV_

_Seimei… why do you need to leave me? I became different when you left… Because of your death, mom didn't know me anymore… I'm suffering from mom's painful gifts… He thinks that I'm not her son… I'm not her Ritsuka… Tell me Seimei, did I change? Did I make mom that way? Is it my fault why I'm in misery everyday? But you know what Seimei, when you died… I didn't know what to do… I was already alone because you were no longer here beside me… You're already in heaven… Tell me, Seimei, what is it feel like being in heaven? Is it more fun being there? Is there peace? Is there someone who'll love you better? Is there someone who'll take my place?_

_I want to know everything; I want to hear your voice again. But I guess I can't, because they separated us. I can't be longer there with you now. I can't create memories with you no more. I can't tell you my problems anymore. Speaking of it, I'm suffering again. Somebody forgot me; he doesn't know who I am anymore. It's painful. He's been close and I started to love him. But why do you need to take him away from me, Seimei?_

_They said that you treated Soubi as a tool. You made him a zombie. You used him even though Soubi loves you much. Don't you know that Soubi followed all of your orders because he wanted to feel your love too? But why did you treat him that way? Don't you know he's been hurt? Don't you know he's been sacrificing his life just for you…? I envy you… Seimei… I really envy you… why? Soubi thinks of you more than me… You're his sacrifice not me… He never lied at you not like me… He tells you that he loves you by heart, not like me, he says it just because it was your order… He follows your order that's why he came to my life… He loves you more not me… You're name is Beloved not like me who's name is Loveless. Seimei, why do you need to do this to me? You brought Soubi to my life and now you're taking him back? I'm not a toy… and so as Soubi… I love him… If you'll give me Soubi, I promise you that I'll never leave him and I'll love him more than you do. I'll make him feel a real love… I'll be a good sacrifice… Please… Seimei… I love him…_

_End of PoV_

Ritsuka opened his eyes with tears beside them. He just woke up from his deep sleep. He wished that he was never been awakened. His tired of all the games, lies, pains and his own life. If only he was painless, a numb person, he wouldn't cry every night because of sufferings. _I'm drained…_ he said to his mind as he rubbed his tears away. He tried to stand up but he fell down to his bed again. _Soubi…_ He was weak and miserable. He can't move. He wanted to die already. He wanted to follow his brother's path, but something was stopping him from dying.

He went to school with a mask. He doesn't want others to worry about him. So he decided to keep all of his miseries behind the mask he was wearing. _Yuiko will worry for sure if she'll see me like these and so as Yayoi and sensei… I don't want them to be sad to… I don't want them to be worried… I don't want another tear_. "Ohayo, Shinonomi-sensei!" Ritsuka greeted with a big smile on his face.

"Ah, Ohayo, Aoyagi-kun" Shinonomi greeted back as they both entered the school grounds.

"Ritsuka-kun!" a high-pitched tone voice came. It was Yuiko along with Yayoi, "Yu-Yuiko-san"

"Yuiko, Yayoi! Ohayo!" Ritsuka stopped and looked at Yuiko and Yayoi who was walking towards him.

"Ritsuka-kun, I heard that Soubi-kun—" Yuiko was stopped

"Yayoi-san, here's the CD I borrowed yesterday! Thanks!" Ritsuka added and stayed away from Yuiko's statement.

"Y-You're welcome Ritsuka-san" Yayoi replied

"R-Ritsuka-kun?" Yuiko followed

"Anou, Sensei, you'll make yourself sick, let me help you with your things!" Ritsuka said as he took the paper bag in his sensei's hands and walked fast inside the school, "See you later guys!"

"Ritsuka-kun!" Yuiko shouted but Ritsuka didn't look back, "What's wrong with him? He's ignoring me…"

"Let's go Yuiko-san…" Yayoi invited as he grabbed Yuiko's hand.

"Ritsuka-kun!" Yuiko demanded in anger and removed her hand from Yayoi's.

"Yu-Yuiko-san!"

It was their English class; Ritsuka took out his notebook and his pen and wrote all the notes in the board. He's avoiding all of the discussion which Yuiko will start. He knew that Yuiko will keep on asking about Soubi and he doesn't want to remember anything again. He listened very carefully to Shinonomi-sensei until Yuiko whispered beside him.

"Ritsuka-kun…" yet, Ritsuka ignored her, "Nee, Ritsuka-kun…"

"Ritsuka-kun" she called again, "Ritsuka-kun!" she shouted that made everyone looked at her.

"Yuiko-san, we're having a lesson… please be quiet…" Shinonomi claimed and after, they continued.

"Ritsuka-kun, please, talk to me… You've been ignoring me since this morning…" Yuiko persisted

"What?!"

"About Soubi-kun… he's been acting strange lately…"

"I don't care…"

"But Ritsuka-kun, aren't you worried? Soubi is…"

"I don't want to talk about it… Besides, Soubi forgot me already… there's no sense at all…"

All of a sudden, Yuiko stood up from her chair and went front to Ritsuka's chair, "Stop it!" Ritsuka received a heavy slap from Yuiko.

Ritsuka was surprised, "What is that for?!"

"You've changed Ritsuka-kun!" Yuiko demanded

"Yuiko-san, Aoyagi-kun! Please stop!" Shinonomi shouted in the class.

"I thought Ritsuka-kun was different already!"

"You don't know what you're saying!"

"Of course I do! Don't you know that Soubi kept on thinking of your name! Recalling everything from the past! Sacrificing everything just to remember who you are, even though he receives pain!"

Ritsuka was speechless, "I saw him last night looking at all the pictures, thinking if you were an important person!"

"But why…" Ritsuka murmured, "Why is it only me?! It's unfair! He remembers all of you except me! Why only me! Tell me Yuiko, why only me?!"

"R-Ritsuka…"

"I care for him! Yes I do! But I don't want anything to get worse! That's why I'm avoiding already! If Soubi will be in pain then I must leave him!"

Yuiko slapped him again, "Stupid! You're stupid Ritsuka-kun! Of course, it would be getting worse! Why don't you tell him how much he's important! Why don't you support him instead of leaving him behind? He needs you Ritsuka-kun… "

"Yuiko…"

----

He left the school and ran where Soubi was. He called him on the phone and asked if he could talk to him just for a while.

Ritsuka was waiting from a café. The sky started to reveal dark clouds and he predicted that it was going to rain. He waited for Soubi patiently and after a few minutes, Soubi came.

"Sorry to keep you waiting…" Soubi apologized as he stopped, "…Ritsuka"

"Soubi was never late before…" Ritsuka said with a serious face.

"Oh… sorry…" Soubi apologized again, "It was great to hear that you wanted to talk to me…"

"Really? Can you remember me now, Soubi?" Ritsuka said in surprise, "You do remember me now, right Soubi?"

"The truth is… I still can't remember anything… I tried to look at the pictures but it was no use… I asked Kio to tell me stories but the more I received pain"

"Soubi… don't you remember?! I'm your sacrifice!" Ritsuka demanded

"My sacrifice is Seimei, and it would only be Seimei!" Soubi said in uncontrolled emotion, "I want to say goodbye and sorry right now…"

"Wait, can't we start all over again? Soubi! I don't want you to leave! Soubi!" Ritsuka cried

"Sorry…" Soubi looked away from Ritsuka's stare, "…but I have to leave…"

"I Love you! Is that enough for you to remember me? I never have a chance to replace Seimei in your heart, haven't I?! Soubi, I loved you even though you don't feel the same! I loved you not like Seimei who just treated you like a tool!"

"You're wrong! You don't know what you're talking about! Even though he used me as his tool, he still loves me!"

"You're stupid! You're lame! You're selfish!"

"Then hate me…" Soubi stood up from his sit and was about to leave, but he was stopped when Ritsuka shouted at him.

"I won't!"

"Ritsuka! I don't know what happened to us from the past, but, please! Set me free!"

"I won't let you fool me again Soubi! I know this is just a big joke!" Ritsuka embraced Soubi in the waist, "I won't let you leave!"

"Order me…" Soubi murmured. Ritsuka was shocked, he didn't know if Soubi said it or it was just his hallucination. Soubi grabbed Ritsuka's hands and pulled them away.

"Sayonara…" Soubi bid his goodbye and left Ritsuka.

"Soubi…" Ritsuka whispered and cried himself to his knees. _In the end… He chose Beloved, one with love, not Loveless, one without love… He loves Seimei not me…_

**--End of chapter--**


	5. Final Distance

**Tattered Memoirs**

A Loveless Fan Fiction

By:** InuShikaCho**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own this shounen-ai anime… but I do own the plot of this fan fiction…

**(A/N):** There are some parts of this fan fiction which is not really based from the anime… in the end part of this chapter, there's a song… the title is the chapter's name itself (translation)… and also, this may contain a lot of OOC…

**Chapter 5: Final Distance**

His grave had flooded a lot of tears and at the same time the clouds poured rain hardly to the ground. His time came for him to leave everything behind. At first it was a lie but in the end it was a fact. Ritsuka was never been in his funeral. They heard that Ritsuka didn't go to school nor went out of his room after their last meeting, after Soubi told him goodbye. Ritsuka's mother could hear Ritsuka's despair as he cried inside his room. Because of his tears, his mother became a true mother for Ritsuka. Her mother caressed him and comforted him through the night.

Ritsuka's phone doesn't ring anymore nor the red light blinks. Ritsuka misses the sound of his phone whenever Soubi calls or sent him messages. He felt empty within. He's no longer complete. His brother left him and now the one he truly love. His room was in darkness. At night, the only light from his room was the moon's light, and when he hears the sliding glass door sound, he always thought and hoped to see Soubi standing and smiling at him in the other side of the door._ Tell me this is all a dream… I hope I'll wake up sooner or later or right now… I can't endure it any more… I want to wake up from this long slumber of mine… I'm tired… Seimei… why…_

3 days after Soubi's funeral, the atmosphere was still the same: Silent yet cold. Ritsuka went to school even though it was against his will. His eyes were all sore because of his tearful nights. He was quiet and whenever others see him, they said that he was just like a lake. Everyone heard that Ritsuka was having a relationship with a man. it was becoming a rumor in the whole school. But he doesn't care, what if he really does, is there something wrong? His just loving, is that a sin?

_Loving with same sex is a sin_! God taught us to fall in love, and to care. But He never said that loving the same gender is a sin! As long as you love him and he loves you, there's nothing wrong…

"Ritsuka-kun, are you okay?" Yuiko asked as she approached Ritsuka slowly.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" Ritsuka answered with a cold voice.

"We were looking for you in his funeral…" Yuiko added

"I was ill… my mom didn't allow me to leave the house so I wasn't able to arrive…" Ritsuka answered back.

"But—"

"Yuiko! I don't want to hear anything about him!" Ritsuka shouted and ran away.

"Ritsuka-kun…"

The classes started, as Ritsuka entered the room everyone was looking at him and telling rumors. Ritsuka ignored all of them and went directly to his seat. Ritsuka was back from becoming a stubborn and cocky person. Yuiko tried to comfort him, but Ritsuka pushed her away. Nobody understands him anymore, nobody accepted him as the way he is, and everyone hated him again. It might be a sin for loving a man, because if it's not, they would not take Soubi away from him. His life was senseless without Soubi. That's why he felt empty already.

"Ritsuka-kun, please cheer-up…" Yuiko said in sadness, "All of us our worried…"

"Nobody understands… nobody accepts… everybody left me already…" Ritsuka murmured from the corner.

"You're wrong Ritsuka-kun! I'm here, Yayoi is here and so as sensei! We've always been here for you! So cheer-up, Ritsuka-kun!" Yuiko comforted again

"They hate me, that's why they left me… they don't want me because they disgust me… tell me Yuiko, am I a bad person…" Ritsuka added as he stared the floor.

"Ritsuka-kun, please stop telling selfish things. Nobody treated you that way!" Yuiko insisted.

"Nobody? Yuiko said nobody? You're wrong!" Ritsuka demanded, "Nobody and no one will love me the way I am! Yuiko I'm tired with all of these sacrifices… why I need to suffer from this tragic life! Take me away from here! I don't want to be here anymore!" Ritsuka cried again, "Tell me… I want answers!"

Yuiko took out her hand but Yayoi stopped her from slapping again. "Ritsuka-kun!"

"Soubi… I don't know what to do! Soubi's not here anymore! I want Soubi!" Ritsuka demanded and cried as Yuiko embraced him tightly, "All I ever wanted was to be loved by someone! But why did they take him away from me?! Soubi! I want Soubi back in my life! SOUBI!"

"Ritsuka-kun, everything's going to be alright… okay?" Yuiko took a paper from her pocket and said, "Before he left, he said he wanted me to give you this… He didn't tell me about it… he just ordered me to give you this since he knew you'll never come to his funeral…"

----

_Ritsuka, _

_I'm sorry from all the things I've done… I broke my promise and didn't tell you what I really felt. I know you'll never come to my funeral when I die. I know you won't because you hate me… The truth is, I never forgot anything about you… all of them are acts and lies. The doctor said that I only have a few days to live, and I thought that if you'll see me die, I know you'll cry. That's why I forced you to hate me… I made this letter after I left you in that café. It was against my will. I know that I hurt you badly, but it was the only way for you to hate me and humiliate me._

_When I said that Seimei is the only one I love, it's the biggest lie I ever told you. Because for me, Ritsuka, you've replaced him here. I'm thankful for Seimei for bring me to you. If he never ordered me to see you, I would never have a chance to meet and love someone like you. _

_I asked and begged everyone to not tell anything about it unless the day will come for me to leave. Kio asked me first if I really want to do this, and I said yes. I don't want to see you crying, Ritsuka… you're cute face disappears…_

_I left you a painting in my apartment, I wanted to give it to you before I left, but I couldn't because my plans will be ruin. I wrote these an hour before my due date… you can get the painting in my apartment; I placed my spare keys in the envelope so that you can enter…_

_Sorry for those times that I couldn't protect you Ritsuka… sorry for all the things I lack in our relationship… I hope you'll understand my reasons…_

_I'm having difficulties in writing right now… so I'm sorry… this time, even if you won't hear my voice, I want you to believe that I love you not because Seimei ordered me to, because that's what I really feel for you… I Love you… Ritsuka_

_Soubi_

----

"Soubi…" Ritsuka whispered as he removed a piece of cloth from the canvas near the window. "Why do you need to lie…? You know that I always understand what you mean… Because of what you've done… you're making things more complicated to me…" Ritsuka fell down to his knees after seeing the portrait, "Stupid Soubi… you always play with my feelings… You know that I always remember you whenever I see butterflies…" Ritsuka cried deeply.

A portrait of two butterflies was seen in the canvas and around the butterflies were pictures of Soubi and Ritsuka together. And below the canvas was a writing of Loveless. "Soubi… thank you… Soubi… Soubi… Soubi!" Ritsuka screamed in anguish.

_I'm anxious but I can't say anything_

_I'm tired of swimming, even you've become silent_

_I want to see you, but an invisible wave pushes us_

_Again, just a little more distance_

_Try not to stop, keep it going baby_

_If you don't feel the same then tell me_

_Even if your principle is to not try_

_It's alright to try a little_

_I wanna be with you now_

_Let's shorten the distance with the two of us_

_We can still make it on time_

_We can start over_

_We can be as one_

_I wanna be with you now_

_Someday even this distance_

_We'll be able to embrace_

_We can start sooner_

_After all I wanna be with you_

_You, who gets hurt with a single word_

_taught me what loneliness is_

_When you can't protect me keep on trying baby_

_It's not as I promised but trust me_

_My principle is to not try but_

_I would do it for you_

_I wanna be with you now_

_Look at our distance with the two of us_

_We can still make it_

_We can start over_

_I want to tell you with words_

_I wanna be with you now_

_One day, even the distance_

_I'll be able to embrace_

_We should stay together_

_After all, I need to be with you_

**--End of Story--**

**--Thank you for reading Tattered Memoir!--**


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